


what's NEW pussycat

by aristotle



Category: Ben 10 Series, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Real life - Fandom
Genre: Internet, Lemons, Modern AU, fornite, i luv draca malfoy, if that's not ur cop of tea then go AWAY and read something else :((((, masculitnity, ninja the utuber, somewhat self insert later on bc I LOB DRACO !, very explicit content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2020-10-21 19:29:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20698679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aristotle/pseuds/aristotle
Summary: Title inspired by "what's new pussycat" by that old guyEDIT: tom jonesHarry podter and his vest friends are going to see NINJA the youtuber! Hwhat will happen next?(this is a crack/joke/satirical story, written for a friend who did a similar thing.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [starcraftfunnymoments](https://archiveofourown.org/users/starcraftfunnymoments/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Valerian scream-Cried](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19102840) by [starcraftfunnymoments](https://archiveofourown.org/users/starcraftfunnymoments/pseuds/starcraftfunnymoments). 

> (this is a joke. written for a friend.)

Harry Potters greatst dream was to be………..a Cool kid] . 

He wnated tp be an internet STAR!!!!!!!!!1! and be rlly famous like Ninja who wasj his fave youTubber. he liked 2 watch forntite videos because fornite was his favoirte sport AND video game. ((I don’t think ur gonna know waht fonrtit is unless ur a cool kid)))

‘; He waent to his frein’ds house, Ron Weasley, and he said: “omg Ron let’s make a youtube Chnahnel!   
  


Ron screamed ina very masculine way. “Yes!!!!!. I am so ready to be internet famous!”

The two bogs went to their friend Hemrione and sid, “hermionen cn you help us be cool……...we jstu wnat to be cool kids hreminey,.......!! chelp us?!”

but Hmerny was really mean! She wash s uch a bad friend. she said “no i cant cuz fortit and utube are rlly bad for kids!!!”

“what????” screamed Haryr ‘why??? frntoti is not bad its my favorite sportt!”

but Hremniyone shook her head more and screamed “NO!! I dont want to help you guyz!”

we HATE you hermerine! screamed Hrrarry and ron

and they ran to Haieriry’s privete jet (hes very rich bc his parents had so much cAsh money) and flwe to see Ninja Haryy’s favorite youtuber!!!!!!!!!!!!


	2. Chaptir Two!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (again, this is a joke)

AN; hey guys I’m back………...and ready to write! ive recevied so much luv <3 for this story and it makes me rlly happy…. so I’m gionna do somethig really special as a reward for my fowlowers!!/

ok now back to the story!!

Harry and ROn had a long trip on the private jet becuase it took a long time but they got to drnik shampayne! it was so fancy and make them very macho-ly tipsy

Then they arrived at california where Ninja!!!!! lived!!!!!  
Ninja was so cool and Harrry and Ron screamed in joy (but no they weren’t gay!!!!) jk yurs they were cus they likey likeyd echoooother a lot of mooch and they smoocheyd smoocheyd in da grifindour cooomoon rooooom ←-- sorry guys that waz my lil sis! go away kaitlynn! Im telling moo ur being mean!!!!!!

nayway…

Ninja said “hey guys i mean hey harry and rOn wanna play frtnit with me?

“

Rron screamed som uch because hewas so happy!!! his eyes…. filled with manly tears…. they dripped into his light forest of chest hair like dewdrops on a rainforest int he amazon river

Ninja was the coollest! thought Harr

but then  
.  
..  
…  
……….

someone stabbed NInaja!


	3. Chptar Three ………

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (once again, this is satire)

aN hey guys it’s me im back !! i know i lifet you with a big cliffhaneger that last chapter…….. dnot be mad!!!!!!! and sorry about my sister kiaitlinnn comeing in …… :(

Hary spun aroudn and branddshed his IPhone 11( it was ahead of th4e mraket becauese he was rich!!!!!!!!!!!!,)

MHe pointed it at the villain who was: Draco Malphoy!  
Draco had long blond locks that were shiny and sleek,m pulled back into a smooth knot at the nape of his neck with a green Sltyherin ribbon, he wore black robes that poooled around his elegant feet with a certain grace that other men lacked. HE had a thin, haunted face with long lashes framing his dark, mysterious eyes that shown like two twin pools of starlight. His earlobes were smooth and plump, and his gentle expressioen spoke of a quiet, masculine soul. but it was truly his left knee which spoke wonders. It was soft and as smooth as a baby’s bottom, or in other words nothing like Harry’s “nobbly” ones. In his long, pianist like fingers, Draco held a silever dagger, dripping with Holy Blodo: the blood of Ninja the slain youtuber  
(i luv draco malfoy so much were gonna ge t married!!!)

draco knelt to the ground and held up is dagger very sacrigficialy and w bowed his head bvery reverent and solemn.  
“oh gods of the ancients! send me yur prophet to proof that I was correct in killing that insolent scumbag, Ninja!!!! he shrieked

and then……………………..

the proaphet appered!

.  
..  
…  
…..  
…….

meme


	4. CHaptur Four!? x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (satirical work, not really my writing style, blah blah blah)

it was Ben 10!

Ben swept his bieber bangs out of his youthfull face and stuck out hiws hend to Drako. The names Ten, Benten, he said and smiled bashfully.

Draco grinned aggressivelfy “good to meet ouy, I’m Drakeo Maleffoy”

Harry screamed. “wow it’s ben ten! I follow him on his INsta!   
  


Ron whimpered, “ahh!” he’s scary! why can he turn into monsters!?”

The red headed bog rapped his arms aorund Harry realyl tite (not in a gay wya tho!) and saiod “hyrar! save mne! I dont’ want to be killed by Darco OR Benen!” z

donut be scareed said harry

it’s ok rion said draco

yeah imma not gonna hurt you said ben in a stargnerly soothign voice

but RON DROPPED DEADfrom fright!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO scremed Harry!

Draco thought fast “hey harry look I ahve a Arby’s Premium Anus g beef Sawndwich for youy!

what!!!! screameed Harry! I want it”!

Ewhiel Harry aete his sandwitch Ben Ten andd Draco disposed of rons boday.

Draco had to go to the bathroom, so he sstood in front of the mirror for a long time, admiring his handsome, placid, yet rugged face. What would Father think if he saw me now? thought Draco, weeping sadly, as he realized that his cold, cruel, and distant father would exile him for his crimes. Killing a youtuber? Handling a dead body? Talking with Harry Potter? Draco knew these things were unforgivable, but his rebellious soul yearned for freedom from his controlling family. Draco knew, deep down in his beating heart, that he was a grebel (goth rebel). He would not be controlled by the Malfoys ! He had to break free!

harrye looked at his sanisch and smield.. “ yum yum!” he smiled

Bena ten starred at Harry kindly. he was filled with nostalsha for the bettewr days of childlike innocnence (even tho hes’ ten!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) 

‘sigh,” ben sighed.

END OF CHATER!


	5. Chapter 5

A/N breif poem break.

_Draco. Oh, dearest Draco. _

_When your heavengly arms wrap_

_around me —_

_my breath is lost. Your tenderly receding hairline?_

_My only consolation_

_in the depths _

_of modern eternity_

_and the loss of our youth._

_Your father_

_is cruel_

_unforgiving_

_distant_

_racist_

_but we?  
_

_oh, darling — we are power_

_we are love_

_we are infinite_

_and ethereal_

_smash me, draco. raw me like filet mignon._

A/N #2: I hope u guyz likd it!!!!


End file.
